What I am and what I'm not

Hey there,

Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you're having a good day. Or at least a decent day. Or, at the very least, not a bad day.

Obviously, you could have arrived here in any number of possible ways. None of my beeswax, but I'd like to introduce myself and tell you what I'm all about.

The first thing people comment on, when they meet me, is that I'm a funny man. I take that as a compliment. Then the next thing is always something about my accent. A lot of people think I'm Canadian or Australian, but I'm neither. Since I've lived in Utah for almost 23 years, I've gotten so tired of explaining where I'm from and discussing all that, nowadays, I just tell everyone I'm South Korean. They usually lay the subject to rest after that, but obviously I don't look South (or North) Korean, and I'm not from there at all. No, I'm originally from Switzerland, where I was raised. Born in Germany. Graduated from the U of U in Salt Lake City.

Currently, the most important thing to me are my two young daughters. Getting divorced (at the time of this writing) is no fun, and sometimes it can be really hard to explain to people why and how it happened. We didn't have an affair, no abuse, no shouting matches, and no outrageous anything. We just grew apart, due to a number of circumstances, and once I realized how deep the emotional distance had gotten, it was just simply too late for me to do anything to fix it. We tried, of course, and we talked to the local clergy and a marriage counselor.

At the time I felt terrible. Most of all, I was disappointed in myself for not being able to express what the death of my soul had done to me and why I was no longer able to connect with my wife. It wasn't an overnight realization either, it came on slowly over the course of two to three years. And when I faced the situation, the words I uttered to describe my feelings and emotions were poorly chosen and in-eloquent at best. The hurt and heartache I've caused, due to my inability to express myself better, will remain with me for a long time.

So now I need to focus on the rest of my life!

I don't want to make the same mistakes over and over. I want to learn from my mistakes and be better, do better and feel better. I want my daughters to know that I will always love them and care about them, whether we live together or apart.

Sadly, because I am not from here, and because I moved out of the old neighborhood, I'm pretty much stranded on my own. There is a special person in my life, and there are the people at work, of course, but I realize that I need to make some friends. However, you can't hurry stuff like that.

In the meantime, I'm trying to connect with people here and there in a friendly fashion. I'm not a creep, who will just latch on to anyone, so don't misinterpret my "pay it forward" and overall friendly attitude for despondency. I have weak moments, yes, but I will get through them. One day at a time.